I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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