I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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