Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
