this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
