someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
