Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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