I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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