and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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