I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sober January is a disaster.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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