I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
