he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize