dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
