I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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