You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
