We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
