we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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