I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
