The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
