he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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