I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
