i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
