We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
