The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
