What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Houston, we have a squirter
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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