just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
