just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
