It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
