There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize