About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
