Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
