My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
