i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
