So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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