Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
