is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
