It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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