I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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