the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
