Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
