I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
