We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
