he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
