a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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