I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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