I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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