he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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