I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
