Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
