We won't sleep together?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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