So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
