He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
