doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just gift wrapped bread.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
