ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize