you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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