I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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