May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
