i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
