totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
