i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
