the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
