you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
