Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
