we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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