He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize