You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize