My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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